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Sep 5, 2005
Hello Carol! LOVE YOURSELF!
I was going to erase all my old blog entries. Then I realise that I can't lie to myself and the past cannot be erased.
Where have I been? I ask myself the same question. For some reason known and unknown, I seem to have lost myself the past year. For the most part, I just wanted to be the best girlfriend that I could be. I failed! Now I am left to reflect.
- I became too relationship-oriented and I lost touch with friends that were important to me.
- We were inseperable and there was no space to breathe. We needed some time and space apart. As a result, we argued over anything and everything.
- I gave too much in the relationship.
- I was poor at communicating my feelings. Instead of talking things out, I'd get emotional and say hurtful things. An argument would become a contest to see who could hurt the other person more. After we argued, we'd just try to put everything behind us. Day after day, all the issues escalated.
He asked me moments what I wanted to change about myself. I was reluctant to answer back then. Here they are:
- Change my horrific temper and take a mild approach to conflicts and disagreements. I don't know why sometimes I lose control of myself.
- Be a bit selfish when needed. Never lose touch with friends and family and things that are important to me for my relationship.
- Be independent.
- Love myself before loving another person.
I fell really hard this time, but I learned. It's time to read the Alchemist again.
Posted at 11:03 pm by Carolfu
Jan 18, 2005
What an amazing weekend!
Friday:
- Picked Bers up from the airport.
- Had lunch at Farmer's market. We had delicious Brazilian food!
- Saw Hotel Rowanda in a Hollywood theater with assigned seats. It was a powerful movie, very sad to see there is still so much hate in this world. When will people realize that killing is not a solution.
- Picked B up from work. We met up with my family to have yummy Chinese food.
- I didn't have a ton to catch up with Berpie, because we have been in close touch. It's so awesome that Berpie is so understanding and we can talk about anything. It's amazing how much we have grown over the years.
Saturday:
- Met up with one of Berlyn's high school friend, PeiLin. The four of us had dim sum, bubble tea, then we hit a local Karaoke bar and sang from 3pm to 8pm!!!!!
- We had delicious home-made hotpot at home with my family.
- We played cards for hours after dinner. It was soooooooo much fun!!! B was the biggest loser!!!!!! Oh man, who knew playing cards with my family can be so much fun!!
Sunday:
- A real chill day. Lunch at Westwood, a stroll in Santa Monica Promenade and had my favorite blueberry and tiramisu icecream.
- Had some home-made bbq, which was way too chewy for me.
- Poor B slept on the floor due to some "noise" coming out of our "gay" roommate. I am still skeptical!
Monday:
- Saw Berpie off. I was not sad at all, because I know I will see her soon. I am so happy for her. She is going to have a great year career and relationship wise. She deserves nothing but the best. Berpie, B and I can't wait to see you and B in New York! :P
- B and I saw the Aviator, which was longer than it needed to be. Leo did a great job though. Meet the Fockers was not bad. The baby was super cute. Assh--Hole!
It's been above 80 degrees here in Los Angeles. About time after the rain we had!
At work, we had a national conference call for all staffing associates. There are major changes in staffing at Bank of America. Instead of recruiting for consumer banking including all positions in a banking center for two markets (70 banking centers), my team and I will be recruiting for only banking center managers and assistant banking center managers across the country! Wow! Big change!
Short week this week! I am looking forward to another warm weekend! I am sending sunshine to all of you in different parts of the world.
Posted at 11:07 pm by Carolfu
Jan 10, 2005
What's happening to the world?
What is happening to the world we live in? Tsunami in Asia, winter storm in Europe and landslide in California? It's been raining for weeks and weeks in the sunshine state. Finally we are getting a break in two days just in time for berpie! :)
Oh man what a weekend. We left early Saturday morning for Vegas and arrived just before noon. We got complimentary rooms at Monte Carlo, which was sooo sweet. On top of that, we got tickets to see Jubilee, which is a topless extravaganza. B fell asleep watching it. That's how exciting it was! :P All the men were gay and women were ugly and male-looking with saggy breasts! :P Hey but it was free.
My passion was penny and 5-cent slot machines!! I actually won!!!! I also played BlackJack and Roulette, which I didn't care for too much. B played craps. I almost had a heart attach watching it, because they just kept on taking his money away and I didn't even understand why.
I love Vegas. I am already planning on going back again soon.
Three more days at work!!!!!!!!!
Posted at 09:58 pm by Carolfu
Jan 6, 2005
Finally, little birdie found his way home! All the worries, anger and frustration that I had harbored all along miraculously vanished the moment I saw him at the airport! We made it home safely despite heavy traffic. Carpool lane rules! I can't wait to do grocery shopping, go to the video store and do all the simple things together again! We had a fabulous night despite his sleeping through a good dinner in a busy restaurant.
Ten of us at work pooled money to play super lotto. The jackpot has gone up to 57 million. I actually stayed up to check the result hoping I'd be able to call in next day to quit my job! :P We were real close though. Out of five numbers we had 4 of them. But we didn't have the mega number. So i think we won $10 each with a $5 investment. I think we will just keep the money and play again! :) I am really warming up for Vegas!!! It's Thursday now. I can almost see the neon lights in Vegas
I am having breakfast right now, which is very rare. I have a job fair to go to, which is why I am not out there braving the traffic.
I hope whoever you are wherever you are out there is enjoying, will enjoy and has enjoyed this beautiful day!
Posted at 08:21 am by Carolfu
Jan 4, 2005
Started the New Year with a BANG!
I wonder how many people truly know what that phrase means. I certainly do. I flew up to northern California to see the oldest friend of mine. (We go WAYYYYYYYY back!) My weekend was nothing I had imagined. We didn't end up skiing, nonetheless I had a blast, a very memorable New Year. Thanks Ning for everything! I owe you one! :P
My 2005 is coming along quite nicely. I have been very productive at work, have been enjoying life after work too. Little birdie is due back tomorrow, but I haven't got a final confirmation. Come back!!!!
Oh yeah Vegas baby! My brother, sis-in-law, me and B are going to Vegas this weekend. The other three are attending CES (Consumer Electronics Show, I am there to play!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I miss Vegas, the excitement, the lights, the buffet, the most wonderful sound in the world--coins dropping, the ugliest cocktail waitresses and the mega hotels. Thanks to dad's friend who hooked us up at Monte Carlo with 2 free rooms! Sweet!!!
Berps, my bestest friend will be here in less than two weeks!!!!!! Ah I love spending time with you Ber! I am super excited!!!!
Here I am giving Life of Pi a second chance. If it weren't for the ocassional reference to Toronto, I don't think I'd be reading it. I hear it gets better, so we'll see.
Happy New Year!
Posted at 10:32 pm by Carolfu
Dec 29, 2004
I've got a plan for New Years! I will be going to Kirkwood, norther California to ski. I've got my flight booked, ordered lift tickets (Thanks to Bank of America's discount), bought ski goggles, hats, and gloves. I am good to go!!!! I am super excited and scared at the same time. It's been two years since I hit the slopes. Nightmare is rushing back!!! I am back to the bunny hills for sure!
So we had a little rain storm here in California. Everyone was running for their lives. Just think about those in South East Asia, where lives were destroyed or lost. Lighten up Californians. Ok so I panicked a bit when the light went out in my building!
Tomorow, a Happy Hour followed by last day of work of 2004, I will be heading home to pack up.
What do you do when you are stuck with a gift card from a store that only sells crap??
Posted at 09:48 pm by Carolfu
Dec 27, 2004
Kids nowadays are a lot smarter. Maybe I should only speak for myself. I was talking to a friend about his 1 1/2 year old niece, who according to him, watches DVDs intently and makes him start the viedo again once its done. I was amazed! When I was 1, my mom would put me on a little stool and I would watch a chair and laugh.
I got a chance to hang out with my mom's new friend today, a 12-year old girl. They are so close that I believe I was adopted. She talks about watching her figure and eating less carbs!! I was a happy chubby kid!
I came home early today from work because I was not feeling well. Miraculously the moment I got home, I felt a lot better. So I decide to take advantage of this precious break to plan my New Year's plan. Yep, I will be going to Tahoe to ski! I am positive that I will be paralyzed days after that, 'bout time! I am more excited about wearing my new winter jacket than anything else!
A little birdie finally called me yesterday! I seem to have forgotten all the anger and depression I was feeling the past few days. Please come home soon!
Three more days at work, I will be free!!!!!!!!
My baby car is turning 1 tomorrow. I should take him for a wash! :)
Posted at 09:11 pm by Carolfu
Dec 25, 2004
All I want for Christmas is...
Christmas doesn't mean much to me because I have never believed in Santa Clause nor am I spiritual. To me, it is a chance for families and loved ones to come together to celebrate, reflect and rejoyce.
Christmas eve was nothing spectacular. I went out to dinner with my mom, brother and sister-in-law. The restaurant we went to must have made loads of money last night thanks to the Chinese families.
I went back to my own place after dinner. Then it dawned on me, I was all alone on Christmas eve. That made me really sad. I cried while watching Friends and Will & Grace. I decided to go to bed before depression penetrates through my whole body.
Waking up to a beautiful Christmas morning, no Edi, I didn't receive any gifts from Santa. :( I decided to bake cookies, which turned out to be really delicious. (I can be a bit biased given that I was the only one who tasted it.) I still wonder why I had to put salt when baking cookies.
I decided to give Life of Pi another shot, so far so good.
A dear friend called from New York and brought back a lot of fond memories I have of the Big Apple. Thanks Di!
For the sake of leaving the house, I am going to fight the crowd tomorrow and go shopping.
I have scheduled time off from work for Xmas and New Year next year. I am determined to be out there whether it be celebrating with locals in Guatemala or partying it up with friends in some corner of the world.
I don't want much for Christmas...
Posted at 06:28 pm by Carolfu
Dec 22, 2004
Planning my vacation a year in advance is totally stressing me out. I called flight center today to find out when is the best season to travel where. They are really helpful! :) I still don't know when I am going to take my vacation!
One more day at work, a short one too, then I will be able to rest for a few days. I plan on venturing out to shop on Boxing Day, or as Americans call, Gift Return Day. I totally hate shopping out of obligation. Shopping for myself is NEVER an obligation though!
I am losing hair at an uncomprehensible spead. I swear there is more of my hair on the carpet than there is on my head!!!
I want to learn how to bake cookies and give them to homeless people! :P
Happy Holidays everyone!
If I don't blog the next few days, I might be hospitalized for exhaustion from shopping!
Posted at 09:32 pm by Carolfu
Dec 20, 2004
I finally tracked down my own blog. What the hell is carol's den? I was looking for CarolFU, Carolinto...
Anyhoo, expect random and indecipherable thoughts and comments.
I have realised that
if I stop comparing myself to others, I'd be a much happier person!
my mind and my body are two separate entities. Today my mind was telling me to go to the mall, while my body dragged me home.
I am risk-averse.
I am obsessed with the idea of traveling and I need to pay off my credit card first!
Calling out to all my blog fans, (namely Nan, hehe) your remarks are welcome.
It's Pilate time! Night!
Posted at 09:41 pm by Carolfu
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